Sunday, November 25, 2007

"Do you know what to do with those bones?"

We had Thanksgiving diner at Anna's this year. She is superwoman I tell you! I was over at her place just a few weeks ago. I looked around and felt so overwhelmed! They were still remodeling, (washer and dryer on the carport), still unpacking, planning an overdue garage sale, and trying to keep up with 4 little ones! I just don't think I would have the strength to do what she did. She called and wanted to host TG. I tried to dissuade her. I thought she had enough on her plate without trying to get the house company clean and cook for all of us. Well, she insisted and I am so glad she did! She had that house in ship shape and cooked a really good turkey! She had the table set with her china and crystal and decorations. Everyone was in a great mood surprisingly and we really had a nice time. It was very different not having mom around and I dare say the food was not as good as mom's but we all know that no one one cooks as good as your mom! After diner we were cleaning up and a momism just leapt out of my mouth. I turned to Anna and asked "Do you know what to do with those bones, Anna?" It was a questions she has asked me every year I think. She always proceeded to explain the process of cooking them for hours and then making soup! So I passed on the tradition! Funny how things perpetuate. And today I spent slow cooking bones and herbs, then made turkey and dumplins! And we had mom's famous Sour Cream Coconut cake!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Really missing mom lately.

I have been told that grief comes in waves. One friend that lost her mom the fall before mom died told me it seems easier in the beginning because you are in shock and then you prepare for big anniversaries and they seem to come and go and you handle it well. But it is the unexpected times that are the hardest. I have found this to be true. That's not to say that funerals are fun or I was not sad on mom's birthday and the thought of the holidays brings real dread to my heart. But why would I be so emotional the last few days? The weather is beautiful, the kids are doing well in school. Steve is working hard but things are going well for him at work. I am not working so many hours and have changed my schedule to pick up the kids everyday. We have had a great soccer season with Hogan's team coming in first place and Sarah's third. Sarah has dance classes she loves. They both go to Jiu-Jitsu with Steve. We have more friends than we have had in years. We are loving our church and growing like never before there. Our pastor is a pastor to hundreds but he knows our names, what we have been through and how things are going with us. Our small group has tripled in size and the kids have more church friends than school friends! We are talking about remodeling, have our house on the market. Most of mom's things are being taken care of by an attorney now. We closed her business and most of that work is finished. I have begun cooking and turning my attention to how I want our house to look. So why the saddness? It is all getting back to normal and mom was always in "normal". How can I go back to life and not have her here? She missed the whole soccer season. She was not there for even one game. I haven't gotten to show her one of Sarah's 100% on her spelling test. I order school pictures and don't have the issue of making sure she and Rebecca get the same picture! She missed riding in my dream car while the van was in the shop. I won't be able to take the kids to her house while Steve and I have a "date" to go christmas shopping for the kids. She and I used to go to Kohl's when they stayed open late and shop until they closed. Right before she got sick they began to build one within 5 miles of her house. We were so excited! We talked so often about how great it would be to go there and shop until we were satisfied! Do you know I can't stand to go in that store. I bet I have been in there all of 3 times in the last year and then only briefly.

All I can think of lately is that I will never see her again, never call her on the phone and rant about how unfair life can be or ask her how to handle my kids. She was my very best friend. I want so bad to be lying in bed with her again, griting by teeth because she won't quit drumming her fingernails on the bedpost. She was not herself then but at least I could reach out and touch her. But what I want most is to have her back as herself. Fun, loving, patient, kind, peace maker, even her passive aggressive tendencies that drove me insane! I want to laugh with her over a family meal. I want to agrue with her over who's church is better! I want to watch her hold and love on my kids. I want to her her ask if they can spend the night. I want to tell her how much I hurt over her death, how hard it was taking care of a very sick mother, how hard I fought for her, how much it hurt to see her suffer. I guess that is one of the hardest things about losing someone so close. They are one of the ones you share your greatest joys and worst burdens with and they aren't there for this awful burden.

The other thing that has weighed on me lately is that I am the oldest now. How did that happen. I am still in my 30s. Wow, I have so many years to be the oldest now. I feel like I keep looking behind me and there are only memories. It feels like such an empty space. I am just so glad I have children to turn around and see and wrap my arms around. That's where my focus will be. One of the most haunting things in the whole ordeal revolves around little Hogan. For weeks I had worked full time. Hogan would beg me to stay home or be able to go with me. I would tell him. Just two more weeks and I'll be done and we will have more time together,... just one more week,.. just 2 more days and mommy will be all yours again. We will go to the park, out to eat, looking at cars in Wal-Mart, just sit and rock! Well you can guess it was that week she got sick. Poor Hogan never got that week with mommy. I can still see him sitting in his car seat with tears running down his cheeks listening to all the promises mommy was making and just wanting to be with me. I guess maybe it bothers me so much because I feel a little like him now. Not really caring what the reasons are for the inability to spend time together, just knowing how acutely it hurts.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Happy Birthday!

Today is mom's birthday. I couldn't schedule Josiah's birth today, but I guess the next best thing is bringing the baby home on her birthday. I can not express how much I have missed my mom in this whole event. It was so obvious to me that she was absent the past few days. I am afraid it will be even more evident as we sit home and convalesce over the next week or two. I know how happy and proud she would have been. I just hope she can know what a blessing we have been given.

I have been thinking about her past birthdays. Two years ago we had a big celebration for her 60th birthday. I worked for weeks on all the details and I must say it was a grand day. We have some nice pictures of the day and she looks so happy. We were at the lake and had a large picnic, where I am sure I drove everyone crazy with all the trappings I took and food we cooked, carted and grilled. It was worth every drop of sweat it produced. I am sure glad we did not wait to celebrate on her 65th birthday. It has made me a believer in celebrations now! Don't take those you love for granted. Show them today how much they mean to you. If you are given another chance, count your blessings and let them know again!

Well, mom, I just wanted to say that I love you, miss you and think of you very often. You have been a wonderful and powerful influence in my life. I strive to honor you in the way I love and care for your precious grandchildren and son-in-law. You lived a life of grace, purity and total devotion. I hope I can continue the legacy you have carried on from your mom. Happy birthday to you. I hope all of heaven celebrates your life with you today. I love you. Angie

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Titus News is Moving

Angie will be updateing Mom's blog from time to time as things happen. Thanks to everyone who keeps checking on how things are going. You have all been a blessing to us , and to mom. For information about all the goings on in the Titus household, we have begun a new blog. Titus Tidbits at . There is also a link in the links section of this page.

We hope to post more here as more things happen. Again thanks for your friendship, and everyone PLEASE keep in touch.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Mom's house is empty.

The Union Rescue Mission came 2 days early and cleaned out the remaining stuff from Mom's on Monday. It took them just a couple of hours to load everything and be gone. We set stuff they would not take out by the curb and by the end of the day even it had been scavanged. The house was vacuumed, swept and mopped and bathrooms cleaned. Now it sits almost empty. Anna and Brian wasted no time in getting it ready for their move. They are taking down wallpaper, replacing door knobs, fixing lights and doorbells. Anna has picked out some paint (yes, it is Razorback Red) and wallpaper and borders. Unfortunately, the room she is ready to get started on is the room we have stored everything in! So, she is trying to unload it as fast as posssible and I have not been up to helping her much this week. (That's a whole other story!)

I have created a new blogsite for my family. The webaddress is for those of you who want to continue to follow my family's updates. I will post here occassionally about the goings on of mom's final things and my thoughts. But I think her life has come to a last chapter as we wrap up the legal mumbo jumbo. We will have to go through probate for some things that were not in her estate and that will take some time and effort. We also have to finalize her business. We closed the doors to new orders yesterday and will complete all those in process. We are hoping to be able to sell the eqiupment and inventory as well.

It is sad to be posting here for one of the last times. I have really needed this blog at times. It has been a real outlet for me. You all have been such a support and encouragement through this site as well. I want to thank you all again for everything. There is the saying that it takes a village to raise a child, well I also think it takes a village to lose a loved one! You all have honored mom in a grand way. Thank you and may God bless you in return!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Estate Sale is complete.

The sale ended today and the team has gotten almost everything packed up and ready for donation pick-up this week. We were able to go through one last time and I held several more things back. The house is beginning to look a little empty at this point. I haven't seen mom's house empty or even sparse in a very long time.

Anna and Brian will be moving in by mid August and she has plans to paint this week. I think the house will have a lot of red in it when she is done! They will then have the carpets replaced and be ready to move! This will be their first house, which was mom and dad's first house as well! Funny how things run in circles. I was talking to my grandma's sister-in-law a few days ago and she was telling me how grandma and grandpa moved to Alexander hesitantly not knowing if they were going to like it out in the country or not. That is pretty much how Steve and I are now moving into her house. So far we are happy and things seem to be going well. So, if we can be half as happy as my grandma was we will be in good shape! Of course the leaves have not fallen on six acres yet either!!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Estate Sale began today.

The estate sale was scheduled for 9 AM today. I stayed at mom's last night until about 10 PM getting as much done as I could. I had to change out some doorknobs (which I must say I did very well) that is until I realized we could not find the key to the doorknob I moved! So I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new one and a neighbor installed it for me this AM right before the sale! Last night I also had to move the fax machine, Internet router, and credit card machine. It seems all very simple, but as you know my life is anything but simple! It took some time to get everything done and I guess I spent a little time just looking around and enjoying being in her house with her things for the last time! It is a little emotional I must admit.

So the sale was to begin at 9 AM, people were in the yard sometime after 7 AM according to a neighbor. They were waiting looking in windows, milling around etc. Then the code enforcement people came with a policeman and went in the house. Apparently the signs asking people to park only on one side of the road was not acceptable in Benton. Made no sense to me. As soon as they moved the signs, people crowded both sides of the street, blocking the road so only one car could pass at a time! I don't know the whole story yet since I haven't talked with the lady running the sale about it. Should be an interesting story anyway.

The neighbor said there was steady traffic all day but there was still a lot left! I think there is a discount tomorrow and Saturday. I am very curious as to what has sold and what is still over there. They don't want family over there while there are customers. They say it makes people uncomfortable. It would make me uncomfortable anyway, to watch people pilfer around! So I am staying out of the house for now. Business will have to wait I guess.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Beached whale in the bathtub!!!

I think I have always been good about laughing at myself and the fixes I seem to create. Well, I share with you my latest misadventure. Maybe you can laugh at least once today! I have been sick this weekend and in bed since yesterday afternoon. I was feeling sorry for myself and also a little achy and thought a warm bath would be good medicine. So I ran a nice warm bath in grandma's old porcelain tub and climbed in. I decided to wash my hair first since it had been more than a day from the last washing! After soaking and finishing up, I began running the water out. As the water level drained, I turned on the faucet to rinse off in. Then I decided I should rinse out my hair on more time. So I turn around in this deep but skinny tub and lie on my back (a pregnant woman can not breath on her back for more than a few mere seconds.) I rinsed my hair and suddenly realized I was stuck! I couldn't sit up, turn over, breath, or get the water turned off. I briefly thought about yelling for Steve to come help, but that would bring the entire family! Besides I think he was outside bringing more stuff in to be put away. As my breath got shorter, I tried harder! Finally, I was able to right myself with great effort! I sat there panting and decided the time for baths was probably over until the baby comes next month!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

We are moved (sorta)/Sale scheduled

I am sorry it has taken so long to add all the new news to the blog. We moved to grandma's house about 2 weekends ago and just got Internet access yesterday. We are living among many boxes and much mess right now. We moved everything from mom's over here and are trying to get it all assimilated before we bring more stuff from storage over. I think we will be having another garage sale this fall. It is amazing how full the house is and we still only have a fraction of our things out! Tells me I need to quit going shopping!!!

The estate sale is scheduled for the 26th of July. The company is Estate Sales by Anna. They have been hard at work over at mom's. They drag everything out price and organize it. Things have been pile head high on counters and beds! I go over several times a week to work on mom's business. It has been amazing to watch the progress, but also very sad. Mom thought something of every single thing in that house. She spent time picking it out, buying it, or deciding it was worth keeping.

The baby is growing well and will be here in just about 1 month. I remember telling the doc that I was concerned about having a new baby and having to take care of mom at the same time. He said that would most likely not be a problem, because she was getting so sick so fast. Now I think I would give anything to have to juggle these two things for the opportunity for mom to meet the baby. Mom has a very good friend that lost a granddaughter a few years back. Another child came into the family and was given the name of the other young lady that passed away before this one was born. Well, when the little girl was old enough to understand they started telling her about her namesake and she would respond that she knew her!! That she had meet her before!!! So maybe mom has meet this little one. Maybe she has held him or her, rocked them already and told it that she was his or her "favorite grandma"! (This was her secret with Sarah and Hogan) She would say "Don't forget I am your favorite grandma" then laugh and say I am really going to get in trouble with Rebecca (Steve's mom) over this one day!!! And I know if she did all this she also told this child how to best manipulate Steve and I to get it's way!! That's what grandma's do so well!! She loved to spoil her grand kids - especially with chocolate chip pancakes in the morning and ice cream cones on the way home from church!

We will be finding out soon if my doctor will let us try natural childbirth since I had two previous C-sections. He said we would do an Ultrasound to estimate the weight before deciding. For some reason I am obsessed with this option. I asked with Hogan and that doctor really discouraged me from the beginning and then he was so big it was not ever really an option. This one seems to be smaller so far. It will have to weigh less than Sarah who was 1 ounce shy of 8 pounds. If we opt for/forced into another c-section it could be as early as Aug. 8th he said!!!! That date made my head spin! We are thinking about Aug. 16th, our anniversary, if he will let us have the date. I think it is on a Friday and he may not like coming in on the weekend! Mom's birthday is on a Sunday so I just assume it is out of the question. But I will ask! We will let you know!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Moving Day!!!!!

The estate sale lady called and the move to LR fell through! So she wants to have the sale here in mom's house. She wants us out and all our stuff! She wants to bring in other furniture to round out the house. They don't want it to look like the house has been picked over. So we got boxes tonight and are going to spend the 4th packing and organizing. We think we will move on Sunday. We chose that day because on Monday I spent 2 hours delivering birthday invitations for Sarah and Hogan. We missed their birthday in Dec. and wanted to have a "make-up" party! I planned it for Saturday afternoon! So that will take up the day and I can't cancel on them now. They are so excited! Seems timing is difficult for me!!!! Any way we will get there one way or another.

We are going to grandma's house. I have lined up pest control, carpet cleaning and general cleaning this week so it will be ready by this weekend! Things seemed to fall into place as I scheduled these. Of course, I had to call several companies for each to get it all in line! But I think it will work out well. I will let you know as the drama progresses.

I have a special prayer request too. We have a friend that had a baby a week ago. The baby Cal is having trouble keeping his platelets up. He has had 3 blood transfusions and is facing his fourth possibly tomorrow. They have an appointment with a specialist Thursday. They lost a child several years ago with similar problems and another almost didn't make it a few years ago. They are very worried and concerned. Please pray they will have peace, knowledgeable docs, and Cal will recover and start making his own platelets in sufficient quantity. They also want to know what is causing this, in case they have other kids, or for their kid's future kids!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Progress? Could it be possible?

Well, we think we may have an Estate Sale company lined up finally. We have had difficulty with more than one by now. This company came today and said she though it would be better to move everything to LR for better traffic flow. She also wanted a higher commission due to the amount of money she thinks the sale will bring. I think we are going to be agreeable. We could make more by selling ourselves and saving the commission, but I just don't have the energy! Jana is busy moving and Anna stays busy with 4 kids! Besides, we are getting into a crunch for time with moving and need to be packing our stuff! Only about 7 more weeks until our baby comes! The best thing about her moving the stuff is we can stay put until we are ready to load up and go! Anna and Brian will have an empty house to move into sooner as well.

We are also getting most of mom's medial bills finalized! This is a huge load off of me! I hate going to the mailbox each day! I think they try to see how difficult they can make these things to figure out! I feel sorry for people that have years of this stuff to deal with. I don't know if you would ever get proficient at it or not!

We have a couple of nibbles on mom's business as well. Please pray that one of these will come through! I have spent a lot of time this week working on her business as well as working more than usual at work for the past month! Hogan told me this morning that I needed to stop! (Talking about working so much lately) He said he has not gotten enough snuggles in!! Talk about a guilt trip!!!!

Also, please pray that we will have good direction about where to move our family. We are considering moving now that we are all packed up. This was the plan in the next few years, but it seems now might be better timing. Sarah has one dream and that is to have a horse. It is almost all she talks about. So, we have been looking at land and houses and are praying about a few different options. We want to make the right decision and get our family settled!

We are planning on seeing Jana, Brad and Emily this weekend. Emily had her first birthday today - well yesterday- I just haven't gone to bed yet! She is getting so big. She took her first few steps a few days ago. Soon her and Brianna will be chasing each other! The moms had better learn to run too!!!!

I will probably be changing the blog address for my family once we get settled. I will let you know what the new address is if you want to keep up with my family. I think it is only right to close this one out as we close out mom's stuff. Thank you all for being such a wonderful support during such difficult times.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Waiting Still

We are still waiting on the Estate people to come in and evaluate us! They are planning on coming tomorrow, but they have sales planned for the next 3-4 weeks already! That will put us moving in the dead of summer! I know the guys are happy about this.

We are in a holding pattern until we have the sale. In a way it has been nice since I have been working a lot lately and have less time to work around the house. We also have been able to spend more time with the kids and rest a little! (Don't tell anyone, they might come up with something else for me to do!)LOL

I'll post later when we have plans!