Mom returned home peacefully
Well, it has been a few days since I posted and I wanted to fill you in on some of the events of the past few days. There is so to tell you I hardly know where to begin. I will start by saying that mom never complained. She never got angry or difficult. She was her usual pleasant, loving, patient self until the very last minute. What a joy and a privilege to take care of her!
Wednesday morning began with mom falling on her way to the bathroom. We had walked to the bathroom just hours before and she had trouble, but she did it. Then we got up around around 6:45 or so and began our slow journey to the restroom. Halfway there she began losing all muscle strength in her legs. She crumpled to the ground. I tried to help her up, but her strength was just not there. So then we tried to roll over to her stomach and get on her hands and knees to crawl and that too was too much for her. Steve had gone to his men's bible study early that morning about 30 minutes away. I had to call him and ask him to come home and help me. I tried to make her a comfortable as possible. The kids were scared and didn't understand why MorMor was lying in the floor. When Steve got home he used a sheet to get mom up. He had to completely lift her. She got to the standing position and he put his arms around her in a hug/dance style and they slowly walked to the bed (he more carried her than walked her). Once in bed I let her rest for a while. Steve took the Sarah to school for me and Hogan and I finished getting ourselves ready. Then I began on mom again. I brought everything to the bed to get her ready. Thankfully I had given her a shower the evening before. Unfortunately I put her to bed without completely drying her hair! So we worked on that as well. About an hour and a half later she looked great. You would never have known she spent so much time on the floor that morning. I got her in the wheelchair (Steve had to move her massive bedroom furniture to make room for the chair). Robbie stopped by and helped me get her in the car. I was scared to do it by myself as falling on concrete would hurt worse tan carpet! We had no problems getting her in and then we were off. We took Hogan to school, got gas, went to the bank to retrieve paperwork from the lock box, returned to the house to get something I left (I seem to not be able to leave and remember everything the first time!) She sat in the car while I ran around. Then we headed to the doc's office we were an hour and a half late at this point but I figure I wait on him every week for at least 2 hours.
At the office, they had a hard time getting a blood pressure on her with the automatic machine. When they took it manually it was a little low for her but still normal. We got her blood work back and it was good. Next we saw the doctor. He looked concerned as I told him about her falling, and all the other difficulties we had had this week. I told him I was concerned about her mouth because my flashlight went out 2 days ago. Her mouth was great before that. He said she had terrible thrush (I felt terrible!!!!!). I told him we had an appointment that afternoon with hospice and had told NIH we were not going to be able to come to Maryland. He then turned and told me he wanted to put her in the hospital and I said I did not want to take her there. I was afraid we would go in and not be able to get out, spending her last two to three weeks in the hospital was not what she would want. So he began talking to mom and explaining the options. She said she wanted to go to the hospital, so I closed my mouth (except to grumble under my breath a little - I didn't think she fully understood the full picture). I asked him how long we would be there and he did not know, next I asked IF we would come home and he also said he did not know. So, I told him we needed to go to lunch first. He looked a little irritated, but I persisted. I thought, you can tell me to go straight to the hospital, but I am telling you what I am going to do! The nurse came in and said she had a room for mom, but then looked at me very apologetically and said "but could you go to lunch first because the room is not ready yet"! I just looked at the doc and smiled and said "She is good!" He just smiled and shook his head.
We went to lunch with Becki, Florence Mae, Joyce and Joan. We ate at Frankie's and had a very nice time. We stayed about an hour and a half (we did not rush!). We stopped to mail a letter and went to the hospital. I got mom out of the car and into the wheelchair. We had to park at the very top of the parking lot because they were so busy. We started down the hill, mom went faster and faster and faster. Soon I had both feet planted and was leaning back against the chair and we were still moving! I couldn't get to the break and even if I had I think it would have jolted mom out of the chair to stop suddenly. Finally, I swung wide and and turned the chair so we were not going straight this allowed us to stop. At the bottom of the hill, we stopped to look at the flowers. I told mom to enjoy the sun and flowers because once we went in they had us. She just nodded.
We were checking in through admissions when mom had to go to the restroom. Had I known what was coming next I would have told her to hold it! We got to the restroom and the stall was marked handicap accessible, but was too small to move around good with a wheelchair. Finally I wedged the chair in and was not even able to close the door all the way. I though well at least this is a restroom that is not frequently used! The next thing was about the worst thing that has happened. She fell in the restroom. I held her for a minute or two trying to help her get her feet back under her. I tried to lift her up but couldn't. Finally, I had to let her down to the floor. She was then trapped between the wheelchair legs. I could not move the chair forward, backward or sideways. She was literally stuck. I was trapped in the corner as well. I was able to climb over everything and about that time a lady from a plant company came in to fill her watering can. I asked her to go get help. (I was dialing the main hospital number to get help at that time.) She ran out and shortly a business lady came in and said "oh my, we need security." She did help me lift the chair out - it had to go over our heads! She then went to get help. I was able to get mom in a more comfortable position until help came. She looked up at me and said "I can't believe I did this." I felt so bad for her. I held her until they came. Next two ER ladies came in at tried to lift mom straight up but soon figured out that would not work, so they sent for more help. Next thing I know the whole bathroom was full of ER staff. I bet around 6 or so. They lifted mom with a sheet as a sling and put her on a gurney (I laughed and told mom that she really knew how to get a room!) By the time I got through talking to the security officers about what happened and got to her room, they had her comfortable in bed. She looked good and fell asleep.
I talked with the hospice nurse at the hospital and got info on how we would make the transition to home and learned they would help us get there. I was relieved that someone would be advocating for us to go home in a couple of days. Her tap of the pleural effusion was scheduled for the next morning. That evening a couple of friends came up to stay with mom so I could go home and back a bag and see the kids. I packed for 3 days. I returned to the hospital and Anna was there with Brianna. We visited just a minute and they left. We settled in and went to bed. I slept very little that night. There seemed to be a parade of people in and out of her room. They checked on her so often and were very gentle with her. Around 2 AM she was hurting, they brought her a pain pill and she took it with some water (no problem). She then slept pretty well. They drew blood at 3 AM, blood pressure at 4 AM it was low but okay. At 5 AM they placed a catheter. 6 AM they could not get an IV started after many attempts. At 7AM a new crew came in to try for IV access and vitals. They were not having any success with the IV and the tech started saying she could not get a blood pressure reading. The pulse ox was 83% (want it as close to 100% as you can get it below 90% is bad). They started oxygen but nothing improved. I asked in shock, "Do I need to call my family in?" Without hesitation they said yes. Now, I am a nurse and I know what all this meant, I just couldn't believe it was now and thatit was my mom! I then called the doctor and told him I wanted a central line for fluids because I felt she was in hypovolemic shock (ext. dehydrated). He very gently replied that if he could change the outcome over the next couple of weeks he would put one in in a second, but that at this point,with the cancer in her spine, she had nothing but very difficult days ahead of her. She was not going to improve, but we were just going to place her on hospice care and keep her comfortable. He told me it was our cue to release her to heaven and we needed to take the opportunity because she was going very fast at this point and was comfortable. I slumped but knew he was right at this point. I very quietly agreed and told him thank you for all he had done for mom. I looked at the nurses and told them. They gathered their things and quietly slipped out. The charge nurse told me to let her know if we needed anything and that if she gave any indication of pain to let them know and they would take care of it right away. They said there would be no reason for her to hurt. I called my sisters and the red cross to get Josh home. I called mom's brother and Steve. Then I went to mom and with many tears told her how much I loved her and what a wonderful mom she was. I told her it was now time for her to take care of herself and that we would take care of each other. I told her that she had raised us close, strong and faithful to God and that we would all be okay. She nodded a few times during all this. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and hugged her and told her how much I loved her again and that I would miss her terribly, but would see her before very long. She once again nodded. I then told her to rest. I asked several times if she was hurting and she shook her head. Then she only grimaced once and when asked if she hurt she nodded. I called the nurse and she gave mom a shot of morphine. Dear Becki showed up sometime right after this to be with me. Also a pastor from our church came soon after.
Anna came sometime between 8:30 and 9:00 (I think). She was able to talk to mom and mom nodded to her as well. We made more phone calls and mom slept comfortably. Then around 9:20 I came in and said that while Anna was there with Becky and the pastor, I wanted to get a shower. At this very moment Anna said mom's eyes looked funny and she was trying to open them. We went straight to her and she began the death rattle. I pushed the call button for the nurse to get the patch to help with the secretions from this and talked to mom. Her eyes began to clear as she focused. Her breathing continued to be fairly easy and she then focused far away and her pupils dilated. She then took her last few breaths and the desk answered the call (all within 1 minute or so). I changed my request from a patch to telling them I thought she was gone and asked for a nurse to come. They were there very quickly and called the doctor in to verify the death. It was 9:26 when she passed away into heaven.
I called Jana and she was just checking into the airport and going to make the plane. I talked to Brad (her husband) he was shocked she went so quickly. He asked if I wanted to tell Jana and I told him he could since he could be with her. I then called mom's brother and told him. He too was surprised. He decided to turn around, repack and come back with his wife for the now pending funeral. Jana too decided to go home with Brad and leave that afternoon with him. Steve came shortly after this as did other visitors. They bathed mom and got her ready for us. Then they allowed us to stay with her as long as we wanted. We stayed until about 12:30. The hardest thing in the world was for me to leave her lying there all alone. I was supposed to be taking her home not leaving her.
We began making arrangements. One of mom's very favorite person and pastor agreed to come in for her funeral. This was such a gift to us. She would have felt like a queen to know this man would travel so far for her. She would never have believed it! Josh came in late that night and Jana and Brad even later. We were all together again. Mom would have loved this. We have spent the past 2 days planning and calling. We have not had one argument over anything. (I have heard horror stories about this process.) People have been wonderful. Some friends came to clean for us, food has poured in. Visitors have come. People continue to pray for us. How blessed we truly are.
We saw mom last night and she is beautiful. We had them change her hair a little to look more like mom. We have gathered dozens of photos for all of those who make it to the visitation to view. This has been very therapeutic. We have talked so much about what she must be doing now and how happy she must be. It was ironic. As soon as she died the fight was over and the thoughts of her new freedom and joy began to flow. She would not come back for anything right now.
We dread the next few days and weeks. We have all had the feeling that mom is missing or needs to be checked on since we haven't heard from her in awhile. I find myself looking for the baby monitor that I used when I had to go to another room for a while. Steve used it at night to keep up with whether or not we needed help. We have not been able to find things and want to call mom and ask her where it might be. She will be missed terribly by all of us.
Well, it has been a few days since I posted and I wanted to fill you in on some of the events of the past few days. There is so to tell you I hardly know where to begin. I will start by saying that mom never complained. She never got angry or difficult. She was her usual pleasant, loving, patient self until the very last minute. What a joy and a privilege to take care of her!
Wednesday morning began with mom falling on her way to the bathroom. We had walked to the bathroom just hours before and she had trouble, but she did it. Then we got up around around 6:45 or so and began our slow journey to the restroom. Halfway there she began losing all muscle strength in her legs. She crumpled to the ground. I tried to help her up, but her strength was just not there. So then we tried to roll over to her stomach and get on her hands and knees to crawl and that too was too much for her. Steve had gone to his men's bible study early that morning about 30 minutes away. I had to call him and ask him to come home and help me. I tried to make her a comfortable as possible. The kids were scared and didn't understand why MorMor was lying in the floor. When Steve got home he used a sheet to get mom up. He had to completely lift her. She got to the standing position and he put his arms around her in a hug/dance style and they slowly walked to the bed (he more carried her than walked her). Once in bed I let her rest for a while. Steve took the Sarah to school for me and Hogan and I finished getting ourselves ready. Then I began on mom again. I brought everything to the bed to get her ready. Thankfully I had given her a shower the evening before. Unfortunately I put her to bed without completely drying her hair! So we worked on that as well. About an hour and a half later she looked great. You would never have known she spent so much time on the floor that morning. I got her in the wheelchair (Steve had to move her massive bedroom furniture to make room for the chair). Robbie stopped by and helped me get her in the car. I was scared to do it by myself as falling on concrete would hurt worse tan carpet! We had no problems getting her in and then we were off. We took Hogan to school, got gas, went to the bank to retrieve paperwork from the lock box, returned to the house to get something I left (I seem to not be able to leave and remember everything the first time!) She sat in the car while I ran around. Then we headed to the doc's office we were an hour and a half late at this point but I figure I wait on him every week for at least 2 hours.
At the office, they had a hard time getting a blood pressure on her with the automatic machine. When they took it manually it was a little low for her but still normal. We got her blood work back and it was good. Next we saw the doctor. He looked concerned as I told him about her falling, and all the other difficulties we had had this week. I told him I was concerned about her mouth because my flashlight went out 2 days ago. Her mouth was great before that. He said she had terrible thrush (I felt terrible!!!!!). I told him we had an appointment that afternoon with hospice and had told NIH we were not going to be able to come to Maryland. He then turned and told me he wanted to put her in the hospital and I said I did not want to take her there. I was afraid we would go in and not be able to get out, spending her last two to three weeks in the hospital was not what she would want. So he began talking to mom and explaining the options. She said she wanted to go to the hospital, so I closed my mouth (except to grumble under my breath a little - I didn't think she fully understood the full picture). I asked him how long we would be there and he did not know, next I asked IF we would come home and he also said he did not know. So, I told him we needed to go to lunch first. He looked a little irritated, but I persisted. I thought, you can tell me to go straight to the hospital, but I am telling you what I am going to do! The nurse came in and said she had a room for mom, but then looked at me very apologetically and said "but could you go to lunch first because the room is not ready yet"! I just looked at the doc and smiled and said "She is good!" He just smiled and shook his head.
We went to lunch with Becki, Florence Mae, Joyce and Joan. We ate at Frankie's and had a very nice time. We stayed about an hour and a half (we did not rush!). We stopped to mail a letter and went to the hospital. I got mom out of the car and into the wheelchair. We had to park at the very top of the parking lot because they were so busy. We started down the hill, mom went faster and faster and faster. Soon I had both feet planted and was leaning back against the chair and we were still moving! I couldn't get to the break and even if I had I think it would have jolted mom out of the chair to stop suddenly. Finally, I swung wide and and turned the chair so we were not going straight this allowed us to stop. At the bottom of the hill, we stopped to look at the flowers. I told mom to enjoy the sun and flowers because once we went in they had us. She just nodded.
We were checking in through admissions when mom had to go to the restroom. Had I known what was coming next I would have told her to hold it! We got to the restroom and the stall was marked handicap accessible, but was too small to move around good with a wheelchair. Finally I wedged the chair in and was not even able to close the door all the way. I though well at least this is a restroom that is not frequently used! The next thing was about the worst thing that has happened. She fell in the restroom. I held her for a minute or two trying to help her get her feet back under her. I tried to lift her up but couldn't. Finally, I had to let her down to the floor. She was then trapped between the wheelchair legs. I could not move the chair forward, backward or sideways. She was literally stuck. I was trapped in the corner as well. I was able to climb over everything and about that time a lady from a plant company came in to fill her watering can. I asked her to go get help. (I was dialing the main hospital number to get help at that time.) She ran out and shortly a business lady came in and said "oh my, we need security." She did help me lift the chair out - it had to go over our heads! She then went to get help. I was able to get mom in a more comfortable position until help came. She looked up at me and said "I can't believe I did this." I felt so bad for her. I held her until they came. Next two ER ladies came in at tried to lift mom straight up but soon figured out that would not work, so they sent for more help. Next thing I know the whole bathroom was full of ER staff. I bet around 6 or so. They lifted mom with a sheet as a sling and put her on a gurney (I laughed and told mom that she really knew how to get a room!) By the time I got through talking to the security officers about what happened and got to her room, they had her comfortable in bed. She looked good and fell asleep.
I talked with the hospice nurse at the hospital and got info on how we would make the transition to home and learned they would help us get there. I was relieved that someone would be advocating for us to go home in a couple of days. Her tap of the pleural effusion was scheduled for the next morning. That evening a couple of friends came up to stay with mom so I could go home and back a bag and see the kids. I packed for 3 days. I returned to the hospital and Anna was there with Brianna. We visited just a minute and they left. We settled in and went to bed. I slept very little that night. There seemed to be a parade of people in and out of her room. They checked on her so often and were very gentle with her. Around 2 AM she was hurting, they brought her a pain pill and she took it with some water (no problem). She then slept pretty well. They drew blood at 3 AM, blood pressure at 4 AM it was low but okay. At 5 AM they placed a catheter. 6 AM they could not get an IV started after many attempts. At 7AM a new crew came in to try for IV access and vitals. They were not having any success with the IV and the tech started saying she could not get a blood pressure reading. The pulse ox was 83% (want it as close to 100% as you can get it below 90% is bad). They started oxygen but nothing improved. I asked in shock, "Do I need to call my family in?" Without hesitation they said yes. Now, I am a nurse and I know what all this meant, I just couldn't believe it was now and thatit was my mom! I then called the doctor and told him I wanted a central line for fluids because I felt she was in hypovolemic shock (ext. dehydrated). He very gently replied that if he could change the outcome over the next couple of weeks he would put one in in a second, but that at this point,with the cancer in her spine, she had nothing but very difficult days ahead of her. She was not going to improve, but we were just going to place her on hospice care and keep her comfortable. He told me it was our cue to release her to heaven and we needed to take the opportunity because she was going very fast at this point and was comfortable. I slumped but knew he was right at this point. I very quietly agreed and told him thank you for all he had done for mom. I looked at the nurses and told them. They gathered their things and quietly slipped out. The charge nurse told me to let her know if we needed anything and that if she gave any indication of pain to let them know and they would take care of it right away. They said there would be no reason for her to hurt. I called my sisters and the red cross to get Josh home. I called mom's brother and Steve. Then I went to mom and with many tears told her how much I loved her and what a wonderful mom she was. I told her it was now time for her to take care of herself and that we would take care of each other. I told her that she had raised us close, strong and faithful to God and that we would all be okay. She nodded a few times during all this. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and hugged her and told her how much I loved her again and that I would miss her terribly, but would see her before very long. She once again nodded. I then told her to rest. I asked several times if she was hurting and she shook her head. Then she only grimaced once and when asked if she hurt she nodded. I called the nurse and she gave mom a shot of morphine. Dear Becki showed up sometime right after this to be with me. Also a pastor from our church came soon after.
Anna came sometime between 8:30 and 9:00 (I think). She was able to talk to mom and mom nodded to her as well. We made more phone calls and mom slept comfortably. Then around 9:20 I came in and said that while Anna was there with Becky and the pastor, I wanted to get a shower. At this very moment Anna said mom's eyes looked funny and she was trying to open them. We went straight to her and she began the death rattle. I pushed the call button for the nurse to get the patch to help with the secretions from this and talked to mom. Her eyes began to clear as she focused. Her breathing continued to be fairly easy and she then focused far away and her pupils dilated. She then took her last few breaths and the desk answered the call (all within 1 minute or so). I changed my request from a patch to telling them I thought she was gone and asked for a nurse to come. They were there very quickly and called the doctor in to verify the death. It was 9:26 when she passed away into heaven.
I called Jana and she was just checking into the airport and going to make the plane. I talked to Brad (her husband) he was shocked she went so quickly. He asked if I wanted to tell Jana and I told him he could since he could be with her. I then called mom's brother and told him. He too was surprised. He decided to turn around, repack and come back with his wife for the now pending funeral. Jana too decided to go home with Brad and leave that afternoon with him. Steve came shortly after this as did other visitors. They bathed mom and got her ready for us. Then they allowed us to stay with her as long as we wanted. We stayed until about 12:30. The hardest thing in the world was for me to leave her lying there all alone. I was supposed to be taking her home not leaving her.
We began making arrangements. One of mom's very favorite person and pastor agreed to come in for her funeral. This was such a gift to us. She would have felt like a queen to know this man would travel so far for her. She would never have believed it! Josh came in late that night and Jana and Brad even later. We were all together again. Mom would have loved this. We have spent the past 2 days planning and calling. We have not had one argument over anything. (I have heard horror stories about this process.) People have been wonderful. Some friends came to clean for us, food has poured in. Visitors have come. People continue to pray for us. How blessed we truly are.
We saw mom last night and she is beautiful. We had them change her hair a little to look more like mom. We have gathered dozens of photos for all of those who make it to the visitation to view. This has been very therapeutic. We have talked so much about what she must be doing now and how happy she must be. It was ironic. As soon as she died the fight was over and the thoughts of her new freedom and joy began to flow. She would not come back for anything right now.
We dread the next few days and weeks. We have all had the feeling that mom is missing or needs to be checked on since we haven't heard from her in awhile. I find myself looking for the baby monitor that I used when I had to go to another room for a while. Steve used it at night to keep up with whether or not we needed help. We have not been able to find things and want to call mom and ask her where it might be. She will be missed terribly by all of us.
posted by Angie at 8:15 AM
1 Comments:
How very blessed you were to have such a gracious and godly mom ... and how blessed she was to have such devoted kids. Let your mind dwell on all the good times you've enjoyed together and all the memories you will make in eternity.
Thanks for such a beautiful post.
"What intense and hearty welcome--what a gush of new and heavenly delight! Yea, all heaven is filled with new joy when another glorified saint is added to their number." Charles G. Finney
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