The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!!

The Bad: Well, yesterday was one of my absolute worst days yet. I believe it was building for several days. I had the stomach bug two days after Christmas. I got better but the nausea hung on for about 3 days. I also was on track reading my bible through in a year until mom got sick. Since then, I have been stuck in Luke! So on Thursday night I sat down, feeling bad, tired, and frustrated with the kids and thought I would finish the last 3 chapters in Luke!!! Well the phone rang a couple of times, the kids interrupted several as well as mom (Steve was at Jiu-Jitsu). The last time the phone rang, it was Jana. Well to make a long story short I was rude to Jana. I hurt her feelings and probably really ticked off Brad (and maybe his parents). I later called Jana back to apologize and we talked. So I went to bed.

Friday, I got everyone up 2 hours before we needed to leave to have "extra" time and not be late. 3 hours later I am frantic and pulling mom out of the house. I had to take the kids to the doctors office with us because I no longer had time to drop them off. Fortunately, I had packed Hogan a lunch and had that with us. We got to the doc's office only 5 minutes late. The waiting room was packed. We could not even all sit together! The kids did great for the first hour. Okay the second, and terrible the third! By the time we got to a room, Hogan was all but climbing the walls. I had tried to take him out to the lobby of the building and let him run some steam off, but Sarah got up to see what we were doing and mom tried to get coffee (banned for her right now due to water and caffeine). So we sent back in and attempted to sit!

The Good: The doctor said that mom was still in the top 5%. He said she had no signs of thrush and asked if I was doing mouth washes. I told him no, just lots of yogurt. I have not told him about her Mannatech supplements yet, but think I will next week. He said she was not a girl with "that far away look in her eyes" and that radiation patients do not pick up magazines, not even to figet with and mom always looks at the mags while waiting, commenting on what she looks at and what little she reads. We are off the steroids now and doing okay. We have gone back a few weeks as far as confusion and memory goes (my estimation), but he did not comment much on that yet. I want another week or two before we decide whether or not to restart steroids. He even mentioned that we may go on a rotating chemo regimen sooner that 6 months. But I hope that we get the MRI before that decision is made and will state so if he talks about changing it. Her electrolytes are great so far and her white count is still within low but normal range!

The Ugly: This would be me again!!! While sitting in the waiting room (twittling my thumbs as previously explained above!), I remembered that we had to turn in a lot of paperwork to the hospital for a discount since mom will be self pay. This was the last day and I left the paperwork at home. So I dash home after the appointment, send everyone to the restroom, Sarah next door and ask mom to get in the car while I use the restroom. Well mom returns inside shortly with the mail. I freaked. I don't allow her to cross the road alone, because she does not look for cars right now. It's like she focuses on the mailbox and nothing else exists. Also she just tosses the mail wherever! Bills, orders, checks, whatever - wherever! So I remind her that she can not cross the road right now and the reason, and she looks at me and says "Well that would be easier than dying of a brain tumor." I was shocked. Later I asked her if she felt like she was dying and she said no. So I am puzzled at how often she thinks things like this. So, I fussed at Jana, and now mom twice today.

I called Steve on the way to the hospital and met him in a commuter parking lot and passed off Hogan. Mom and I went to the hospital, parked in the parking deck, and made our way to the information desk. (I had tried to deliver this stuff earlier and they were supposedly closed. I had called the number on the business card stapled to the application several times and not gotten an answer!) They made me call the operator to find another name I found at the very bottom of the page. Another lady by the same first name answered the connection. I asked for the after lady and she said she no longer worked there (different name still than that of the business card). She wanted to know what I needed so I told her. She said they were at a different address. I asked where. She asked where I was! (very frustrating conversation so far). I told her and she said just across the street. I told her I was on my way. She then said they closed at 4:30 and I had better hurry. I said well I have 30 minutes don't you think I can make it across the street in that amount of time? She then told me in no uncertain terms it was 4:15. I asked if someone could wait for me. She said no. She stated the doors automatically lock at 4:30. I asked if I could knock and have them open the door. Again "NO"! So at this point I yell into the phone. "Fine! I will try to make it across the street in time, but I will be dragging my mother who has had brain surgery, radiation and is on chemo behind me!!!!!" I then graciously slam the phone down, grab mom by the hand and holler hurry mom, hurry! We race to the parking deck I try to decide whether we can walk or drive faster. (Mom's gait is a little funny and she tires quickly.) We go to the car and get in line to leave the deck. I wait for none trying to back out of their spaces regardless of how many cars have already passed them. We squeal across the road. I jump out and run to the door yelling come on mom come on!! She does come but slowly. We get in the office and while I am talking to the lady mom has to go to the restroom. The lady gives her directions and she takes off down the hall! I am now standing in the doorway with my head stuck in the hallway watching mom, talking to this lady almost contorted into a pretzel! The lady stamps the paperwork with the days date and I relax a little. Mom is in the restroom and now she has part of the stomach bug and we are in Little Rock! She stays in the restroom until well after everyone has left and the automatic doors take over! I wonder if we can even get out of the building! I call and cancel our dinner plans and wait. She finally is ready to leave and fortunately I have a plastic bag in the car! Now, I race home! We get in the door and I turn everyone over to Steve and collapse! But I get a chance to fuss at Hogan before bedtime because he took a nap an is now completely recharged and I am still nauseated and I am trying to lay down with him to put him to sleep. The bed is bouncing and wiggling with his energy and my stomach and nerves are rolling. Finally, an hour or so later he is asleep! I get up and Sarah is awake. She now wants me to lay down with her. (Product of letting your kids sleep in your bed for years!) I just can't. She pokes her lip out and I finally say NO, just go to bed you are old enough to fall asleep by yourself! Finally, Steve calms her and puts her to bed and she is asleep in no time! But now it is quite and I have time to reflect on myself. Not a pretty site I'm afraid. Time for a little more prayer!

Miracle Note: Jana's friend's little girl is doing great. All the leukemia test came back negative (PRAISE GOD!!) They decided it must just be a bad virus and she responded to the blood transfusions, her blood counts came up, she came off isolation, went into a regular room and home the next day!! You all must be righteous prayers because your prayers are availing much!!!!! Also, Steve's step mom is home and doing well. She will be off work for 6 weeks and recovery will be hard, but no septicemia!!! (I'll blog more later for those who don't know.)